Yo ho, yo ho, a teacher’s life for me!

There are tonnes of blogs out there, and I am sure you’re thinking: ‘Oh great, another teacher blog, just what we need!’

Yes, I am a teacher, but I am also a mother of two, part time baker, Disney fanatic, Irregular Choice shoe lover, and perhaps (just perhaps, mind you) a little bit bonkers!

After many a late night Whatsapp with my colleagues, setting the world to rights and reminiscing about our day, I have decided to write this blog. It’s not to chart the boring stuff or to preach policies, or even to share good practice, but just for fun; to share the highs and lows of teaching and to get me through the trying times with a bit of laughter.

Today’s highlight was a cookery lesson with a year 8 class.  Oooh, lovely, you might be thinking, but let me first state: I am actually an English teacher.  Needless to say, today I learnt something – I leant that year 8s can’t cook!

Now, bless them, and I mean this in the loveliest of ways, but, how can a child not know how to peel an onion?

‘Miss,’ (holding up an onion with the brown skin still on) ‘Miss, is this peeled enough?’

I had to stifle a laugh as I replied, ‘Just take off all of the brown outer layer and it’ll be perfect. Good girl.  Well done.’

OK, maybe that doesn’t sound so bad.  I guess not many 12 year olds cook at home, but they must do chores right? Washing up for example?  Today I learnt that no, they don’t do that either!

‘Miss, there aren’t any clean trays.’ says lovely year 8 boy (the one with the longest eyelashes I have ever seen)!

‘Here you, use this one.’ I say.

‘But it’s dirty.’

‘Yes, but you can wash it up.’  Wait for it…

‘How do I do that?’ he asks.

I mean seriously: how can a 12 year old have gotten this far in life without ever washing up?   I despair sometimes.  I smile anyway and explain the process, teaching life skills as I go, to a my sweet little year 8 who tells me he is an only child and his mum and dad do everything for him… They will regret that decision when he’s older, I’m sure.

But ho! There’s more…

I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say, a sphere of pizza dough that has been covered in tomato sauce before being rolled out, will never a pizza make.  All it makes is a huge messy pile of pinky-red goo – EVERYWHERE!  Cue one sad, angry student wondering why his pizza base didn’t work out; my best calming teacher voice and a dish cloth (or several)! He did see the funny side after a while though and took a photo of is epic pizza fail.  I, of course, sent him home with another pack of pizza dough with a homework to try again.  We’ll have to wait and see what happens…

At the end of the lesson however, after 2 hours of 100% engagement from ALL students (stick that in your pipe and smoke it Ofsted), the students are happily munching away on pizza (well, except ‘Fred’- name changed to protect identify – who can’t really eat goo).

The pips go and off the students run, proud and full of smiles after one of the ‘best lessons ever!’

Myself and the technology technician look around and sigh as we roll up our sleeves and begin to clean up the left over mess…

So, needless to say, although I thoroughly enjoyed today, taking the students out of their normal setting for my lesson, I am not sure I will do it again I a hurry.  Best leave the cookery lessons to the professionals, hey!